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15 Painfully Accurate Job Descriptions for the Modern World

 

 

Next time you’re writing a compelling job description, think long and hard about what you’re really trying to say:

  • A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn’t know you had in a way you don’t understand.
  • A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time.
  • A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain.
  • An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn’t happen today.
  • A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant.
  • An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane.
  • A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn’t there.
  • A topologist is a man who doesn’t know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut.
  • A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a “brief.”
  • A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room.
  • A professor is one who talks in someone else’s sleep.
  • A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children.
  • A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.

We couldn’t resist adding a couple 😛

  • A HR professional is someone who does everything for the people, then gets berated by the people.
  • A recruiter is professional creeper without a private eye license.

 

Send us your HR and Recruiter job descriptions in the comments below!

 

*kudos goes out to Pat Brady who emailed us the list. Thanks Pat! Happy Friday!

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