Episode 122
Moving through stress as a first-time manager | with Lianne Weaver
New managers face imposter syndrome and team pressure simultaneously. Lianne Weaver breaks down the neuroscience of stress, the five F responses, and six evidence-backed techniques to regain control—from breathing to havening.
Episode Key Takeaways
Imposter syndrome and the weight of team responsibility are the two dominant stressors first-time managers report. Both stem from the same root: moving from individual contributor accountability to managing others’ performance and wellbeing while feeling underprepared.
The brain’s stress response hasn’t evolved in thousands of years. It treats modern emotional threats—a difficult team member, a presentation, proving yourself—with the same survival urgency as a physical predator, triggering fight, flight, freeze, faint, or fawn responses that look like procrastination, aggression, people-pleasing, or avoidance in the office.
Lianne identifies a critical gap in how we process modern stress: the stress cycle never completes. Primitive threats ended quickly; today’s workplace threats linger for months, leaving the brain perpetually on high alert and preventing the recovery phase that signals safety.
Slow nasal breathing is the fastest way to move energy from the limbic region back into the prefrontal cortex. Breathing through the nose, slowly and lightly—as if trying not to move your nostrils—signals safety to the brain and restores rational decision-making within minutes.
Six research-backed stress cycle completers exist: breathing, physical exercise, crying, laughing, creative activity, and physical touch (even self-hugging). Managers who deliberately use one or more at day’s end signal their brain that the threat has passed and recovery can begin.
Frequently
Asked
Questions
What are the five F stress responses and how do they show up at work?
Faint (hiding under tables, microphone fainting), freeze (procrastination, avoidance), fight (confrontation, belligerence), flight (phoning in sick, urgent calls home), and fawn (people-pleasing, overcommitting). All are primitive survival mechanisms triggered when the brain perceives threat—even non-physical ones like a team meeting or performance review.
How long does it take to move from stress response back to rational thinking?
A minimum of 20 minutes after the perceived threat is gone. This is why managers often regret snapped responses hours later. Removing yourself from the stressful situation and using one of the six stress cycle completers accelerates the shift from limbic (emotional) to prefrontal (rational) brain activity.
What's the havening technique and how does it lower stress?
Score your stress 1–10, then rub your palms together while counting backwards by eights, naming capital cities, and listing tree types. This forces the prefrontal cortex to engage in complex thinking, pulling energy away from the limbic region. Stress typically drops noticeably by the end. It’s portable and can be used anywhere, anytime.
Why is self-awareness the first step to managing manager stress?
Without recognizing that you’re stressed and which F-response you default to, you’ll keep repeating the same reactive pattern. Once you notice procrastination, people-pleasing, or avoidance as stress signals rather than personality flaws, you can interrupt the cycle and choose a more intentional response.
Should new managers ask for time before making decisions under stress?
Yes. Stressed brains make fast, poor decisions to eliminate immediate threat. Asking for 20 minutes, a meeting break, or a day to think signals to your team that you’re thoughtful and gives your prefrontal cortex time to re-engage, leading to better decisions and modeling healthy stress management.